Fun little ASP quote listing program by Plocmstart.
Total number of quotes: 81

Quote #
1

A Computer Scientist Is Someone Who Fixes Things That Aren't Broken.

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2

Any Sufficiently Advanced Bug Is Indistinguishable From A Feature. -- Kulawiec

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3

Beware Of Programmers Who Carry Screwdrivers. -- Leonard Brandwein

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4

Hardware: The Parts Of A Computer System That Can Be Kicked.

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5

Maybe Computer Science Should Be In The College Of Theology. -- R. S. Barton

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6

Meets Quality Standards: Compiles Without Errors.

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7

Mips: Meaningless Indicator Of Processor Speed.

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8

You Never Finish A Program, You Just Stop Working On It.

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9

kim81osu: if you make good cookies, i'll have sex with you

Quote #
10

"I spent the night at Ben's... and I got in his pants!"
-Karen (meaning she put on his pants)

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11

KrinkovPhd: my name is t0dd and I llub j00

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12

"I'm not that kind of cute to be random ass." -Karen

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13

"I'm too fat to get that!"
-Beams (talking about getting up to get the phone while eating)

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14

Gryphon103: I have a big butt
Plocmstart: oh i'll have to look next time
Gryphon103: and thighs... from riding
Gryphon103: DON'T look at my ass!

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15

Pettyfogger: you guys are TOTALLY doing sex
Pettyfogger: i'm going to tell your mommy

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16

LEREUSCHER: duh...which is more important? Lauren is cute!!!!!!! (Lauren talking about herself)

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17

[From a convo with Kerry...]
Gryphon103: what girl wouldn't go for the scrawnier guy? ;-)
Gryphon103: easier to push around..
Plocmstart: the one that would go for me i guess :-P
Gryphon103: which is no one, so...
Plocmstart: SO I AM DAMNED TO AN ETERNITY OF MASTURBATION

Quote #
18

Pettyfogger: haha i like having my own apartment i can sit here in my underwear and nobody cares

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19

Pettyfogger: improve your home and your sex life at the same time... add sex handles to your bed today!!

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20

"God loves me, dammit!" - Lil Jenny

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21

Tech_phil: sexual sensations have been known to go from the skin to the brain at over 150 MPH
the dodge viper can go well over 250 mph
thats much better

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22

Oopsilon1: i'm talking to 3 boys at once! i'm so popular!

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23

Oopsilon1: but i'm gonna get mad skills so i'll be the best programmer around!

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24

kpxhunnie: what exactly do 21 year old guys want?
kpxhunnie: as presents
Plocmstart: sex

Quote #
25

Pettyfogger: marriedsex is goodsex
Pettyfogger: beforeyermarriedsex is badsex

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26

kpxhunnie: wanna do a quickie something? lol
kpxhunnie: sounds worse from what i meant
Plocmstart: a quickie"?!?!?!?!?!?

Quote #
27

dangDana: if you can get me 2 donkeys and a box of batteries and a pack of grape gum I will mak eyou rich

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28

Pettyfogger: after a long day of programming CPU I/O controllers and writing code to relocate firmware to RAM, i deserve some yummys

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29

dangDana: Pinky and the brain want to rule the universe. Teenage girls want to be Miss Universe. Me? I merely want to compute the universe....and if there is already a turing machine that computes the universe I'm fucked

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30

Gryphon103: rick's a pain....er, rather a payne, I guess (Kerry talking about Rick Payne)

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31

Pettyfogger: that's why i eat macaronis to keep me healthy and strong so i not die
Plocmstart: or makes u into big noodle
Pettyfogger: well then i'll be da only noodle in da world with health insurance

Quote #
32

Pettyfogger: wonder what xp stands for
Pettyfogger: xtra pron

Quote #
33

Andrew Portner: "I'm tired of all this sex on the television; I keep falling off."

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34

Josh: lets get mrtg
Jud: jarsh does this about every 4-6 months :P

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35

Pettyfogger: gots my cream of mushroom soup but i gotta open can with screwdriver cuz don't have can opener and can't find pocket knife

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36

Oopsilon1: remember that zip disk that was in john's drive that I took from you?
Oopsilon1: it started out as Todd's. he copied some songs onto it to give to Craig. Craig stole it, but then it ended up in John's drive. Which he sold to you. But then I took it from you because I needed it. And then Todd needed one, so I gave it to him

Quote #
37

Pettyfogger: oh well das why i say "ok God u take care of this ok?" and God say "ya ok i got u covered das cooest." or at least that's what he'd say if he talked like u and me over IM

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38

Pettyfogger: dat wuz good hamburger.. u should try it on a bagel sometime

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39

Plocmstart: ok carmey i gonna go out for a walk with jenny then go get ice cream
DevilLilly: byes
DevilLilly: have fun
DevilLilly: don't come back with children

Quote #
40

Auto response from beribets: Goldfish: the snack that smiles back!...until you bite their heads off.

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41

Plocmstart: you guys just have no faith in me!
Gryphon103: sorry
Gryphon103: you are just a putz
Plocmstart: LOL

Quote #
42

Pettyfogger: lauren and i decided they can ruin the sex handles if they want b/c we like to roll around on the floor and ram up against stuff when we have sex so the sex handles are too restrictive anyway (note: Matt is joking)

Quote #
43

Pettyfogger: ok um so i opened up MSN messenger and told it not to run when windows starts, but it still does. wtf
Plocmstart: it microsoft having sex with yer memory
Pettyfogger: ouch, memory rape
Pettyfogger: i paid good money for that memory and it's my bitch, not microsoft's

Quote #
44

Gryphon103: I am 25 percent gay!! what the hell???
Gryphon103: i am so NOT gay!!

Quote #
45

JillRebeka: you are a freak but i still love ya

Quote #
46

Pettyfogger: ya ok just remember not to make any babies cuz u got church tomorrow and u not be able to go to chuch if u gotta take care of little newborn babies. das what i say cuz i'm smart.

Quote #
47

Andrew Portner: Man eats own head with one line of code.
Andrew Portner: eat(head);

Quote #
48

Plocmstart: no i just have an extra hole in my body right now
schmz13: fun
schmz13: if you'd just stop stabbing yourself you wouldn't have this problem you know
Plocmstart: i'm workin on it!

Quote #
49

Plocmstart: CHANNEL 44 YAY!
Auto response from schmz13: I love channel 44...:-)
Plocmstart: the meatball channel!
Plocmstart: meatballs all day and all night!

Quote #
50

Plocmstart: SLEEPTIME FOR ME YAY FOR BANANAS!!!!!!!!
schmz13: enjoy
schmz13: tell the bananas hi

Quote #
51

LivBabyLiv: my pants have the scent of fried vegtables

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52

all things are transient. we don't need alcohol. (todd schoellman)

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53

Auto response from schmz13: Relationship Advice, $5 a session Limited Time Only!!
Plocmstart: there's this banana i really like... but well.... i just dunno how to let it know my feelings for it... should i just sorta sneak up on it and grab it or should i take it easy... talk to it one day... then move in on it nice and slow....?

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54

Pettyfogger: yeah, well i'm a nutcase but i enjoy it

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55

Plocmstart: i scare myself away sometimes too but then when i try running away from myself i just end up running in circles

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56

JillRebeka: and so we were wondering (ok so it was mostly me wondering) what does a jock strap look like?

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57

LivBabyLiv: hi
LivBabyLiv: !
LivBabyLiv: my kiwi threw up on me

Quote #
58

schmz13: whoo hoo I'm going to spanish-ize your mp3 collection!
schmz13: everyone needs a little spanish-izing
schmz13: it's like exercising

Quote #
59

Plocmstart: whatcha gonna do with my email?
kpxhunnie: sex0r it up

Quote #
60

schmz13: I am proud to say that I have never put a tampon in water to watch it get big.

Quote #
61

Plocmstart: i have shorts! beat me with a stick!

Quote #
62

cappucino: sextris is a great game

Quote #
63

Beams: "What happens when something is a function of itself?"
Matt: "You die."

Quote #
64

"You're not allowed to remember all this stuff you know is true. ... We don't know about 1 yet. 1 is one of those crazy folk things; it's magic."
-- The Great Ogden

Quote #
65

Plocmstart: so what does time depend on?
Andrew Portner: Monkeys.

Quote #
66

Pettyfogger: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Plocmstart: playing with cheese
Pettyfogger: cool
Pettyfogger: cheese is fun!

Quote #
67

redwine731: nothin'... i just wanted to pop a fat hamster on your computer screen, but i guess it won't work
redwine731: :-)
Pettyfogger: yes my firewall is there for something!!
redwine731: to block out poor fat hamsters?!?!?

Quote #
68

redwine731: build me a puppy
redwine731: let me know when you're done

Quote #
69

schmz13: wow
schmz13: you look good in green
schmz13: sexxxxy
schmz13: :-P

Quote #
70

"With freedom comes nudity" - Zorak

Quote #
71

Plocmstart: no i am normal yes i'm not

Quote #
72

Plocmstart: hi kerry if yer still there
Qtuner: yes
Plocmstart: whatcha doin?
Qtuner: making babies

Quote #
73

JillRebeka: :-) did you like take a class on bullshitting or something?
Plocmstart: no it comes with the major

Quote #
74

JillRebeka: where do you even find these things?
Plocmstart: i have friends
Plocmstart: ;-)
JillRebeka: well your friends are perverts

Quote #
75

Auto response from LivBabyLiv: excel is good for one thing...making my own 5-cycle semi-log paper

Quote #
76

PLocmstart: what do those run on?
LivBabyLiv: butane... wouldn't that be fun? plus, no messy electricty
Plocmstart: yea just compressed flammable liquids

Quote #
77

rsmacman: 815 is the class that teaches you how to bend spoons with your mind

Quote #
78

Andrew Portner: Want to know what it's like to bend your entire nail back?
Andrew Portner: )#(@$)@#$)@*%^)@#$
Andrew Portner: I tried to open the XP box.

Quote #
79

LivBabyLiv: what's scroll lock?
LivBabyLiv: i gotcha
Plocmstart: u know... after all these years i still have no idea

Quote #
80

"Little kids don't need a Pentium 4 to make them happy, they just need some flashing lights!" -Matt talking about a commercial for a child's computer toy.

Quote #
81

[13:11] xosh: about that patch?
[13:11] xosh: :P
[13:11] D00k: You have to recompile after you apply the patch.
[13:11] xosh: o
[13:11] xosh: i knew that
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